What’s it all for……..the art and discipline of remembering the real goal
As I approach the “2 months since I returned from Bali” milestone (that is, I’ve been back as long as I was there), and seeing no great flourish of business activity yet….well, no great flourish of business earning yet – there’s been a LOT of activity on my part – I find myself struggling a bit with the sense of a condition I’m calling Direction Doubt.
As a life coach, part of my bread and butter is to help people question their direction in life, to help them see other options and, once they decide what they’re truly called to, to help them take action toward it. So questioning one’s direction is neither scary nor unknown to me.
However, Direction Doubt is different. This comes after the process of questioning, dreaming, scheming and choosing has happened. It comes to those who know, at least in part, on the direction they want to go and they’re heading in that direction.
What it signifies is the doubt you feel when you’re putting all your energy, time and money into something that simply isn’t gaining traction, isn’t moving forward and, as far as you and everyone who feels they need to tell you when you’re making a mistake are concerned, is the wrong choice.
And it’s stressful. Really stressful.
I absolutely believe we are called to a path by a divine force that longs to fulfil us and help us to flourish. I absolutely believe that divine force is positive and loving and has our deep wellbeing as it’s primary goal.
So why doesn’t the path come easy? Or at least, with enough signs that we’re on the right track? Why does it get so dark we can’t see the path sometimes, so overgrown we can’t keep going? Why do we seem to get nothing to encourage us to keep going and everything to encourage us back to where we came from?
That’s the catch cry of the Direction Doubter. What’s the point? Why bother? I’m tired, overwhelmed and far too stressed to think this direction could possible be the right one.
I sat down to find the peace that can calm my heart rate, relax my muscles and fill me with a sense of love and peace and joy. And it does, each day, as much as I let it.
And as I sat in meditation, the thought came to me – what am I doing this for? Why do I want this so hard I am working so much and pushing so hard? What’s the end goal here?
I have a vision of my life, the one I truly want. I have a few moments in time that I return to in meditation, when I want to re-experience how good they felt, stellar moments of alignment of body, mind and spirit, when everything in me said “Yes!”. These are the visions and memories I pull out in answer to the Why? question.
And they are beautiful. As I sat, picturing myself in my ultimate life, feeling the ultimate in happy, joyful, relaxed, peaceful fulfilment, with work I love, relationships I love, a lifestyle I love, I realised the craziness of my approach.
The answer to why I am working so hard, despite not making the progress I want, is that there’s a life I ultimately am working toward, which will make this hard work worthwhile. But why do I want that life? Because of how it feels when I imagine myself there.
And how does it feel?
Amazing. Relaxed, Easy. I have a lot of time, I can sit and enjoy sunsets and beaches and friends. My body is healthy and I laugh a lot. I feel spiritually connected, physically whole and emotionally balanced.
And what stops me from feeling all those things now?
The answer is me. I have chosen to believe those feelings can only be achieved when I have attained the whole package of the life I’ve envisioned. And so I’m trading the deep peace and joy I could be experiencing right now, for the stressful, unhealthy pace of work I’m currently engaged in.
And why am I doing that?
A little bit of ignorance, a little bit of “proving” to the world I’m working hard and deserve whatever I might get, and a lot of fear.
I’m scared to really give myself over to whatever brings in those wonderful, fulfilling feelings right now.
That’s my new commitment – do everything I can to live the dream now because I remember the goal is feeling things not having things.